Self-love is the “regard for one's own well-being and happiness.” Unfortunately, when we hear the word love we rarely think of self. There is too much emphasis on being selfless and the externalizations of love. Let’s be honest; we are programmed to seek and nurture love outside of ourselves with romantic comedies subliminally convincing us we need someone to complete us. The truth is true love begins with the love songs and stories that we create within ourselves. In my observations, the most bitter, cruel, and ugly acting people are those who lack a love of self. Unfortunately, their acts and behaviors are at the consequences of others - an attempt to transfer their ills to another. This was my first-hand experience in an abusive marriage. My epiphany came with the realization that this individual could not love me because he did not even love himself. There also came a period of reflection in how I was not exhibiting self-love in subjecting myself to treatment that was not a reflection of love.
Instead of focusing on the external ways in which we may or may not receive love let us instead turn our attention to enjoying ourselves, first and foremost. Let us stop looking for extrinsic love and learn to master intrinsic love. When one practices self-love it opens up space which allows us to be receptive to external love. Even greater, you attract the right kind of people into your life because in essence, your aura changes. You function from a space of clarity in what you want in your life along with what you are willing and unwilling to accept.
Three Tips to Activate Self-Love
- Show yourself unconditional love. Unconditional love is recognizing that we all fall short but not berating ourselves in this area. Dote on your positive attributes and strengths. These are the areas to focus on and build up.
- Treat yourself. Stop putting off the things you want to do and see in the hopes of finding someone to do these things with you. Date yourself and plan sporadic play dates for a party of one (hint: check out Meetup if you need to interact with others).
- Find your happy. Use this time to discover what makes YOU happy. Do more of these things.
It is time to focus on loving yourself first. Prepare yourself to be amazed at how you will attract what you nurture.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” ~ Buddha